"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
I always hated this song ("Closing Time" by Semisonic). But when I tried to be inspired by quotes about starting over, this is the only one that ran through my head and the ones I googled were stupid. I suppose its very true though...blatantly obviously very true. Of course every new beginning comes from something that has ended. So here I sit, waiting for my new beginning from something that has ended. I suppose if it has already ended then something else has already begun. But first I have to find myself everyone tells me. I need to know who I am. I need to know that I am an independent person. I need to know that I am a strong woman. I need to know that I can survive. I need to know what I want in this life and to figure out how to get it. I need to find happiness. This is what everyone tells me anyway. I can't imagine they are completely wrong. These are definitely things I want to know about myself. So how do I "find myself"? How do I learn these things about myself? Is it by being all alone and just sitting inside my head and thinking? I would go insane. Is it by spending time in conversation with people who love and care about me and my well being? They would drive me insane. So? What to do? I find myself pondering myself and my life at the most random moments: watching a sunrise over a shit filled rhino paddock, walking down Canal Street in New York City where all kinds of people are trying to sell me "italian handbags", "very nice sunglasses", and knock off jewelry, searching for random people on myspace, and driving home from work and missing my turn because I temporarily forgot where I lived. I don't mean to ponder these things during these times, but they pop into my head and I can't shake it. So I guess that means I am supposed to be thinking about them. Maybe this is it...this is how I find myself...by letting my mind wander wherever my thoughts may take me. So I started a blog...so that I can write all of these thoughts down. I suppose if someone else is reading it, that means I decided to share these thoughts with others. And if not, then this is just a sort of therapy for me, myself, and I.
I am scared to death to start over.
and
I am totally excited to start over.
So I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. I have my whole life ahead and that is encouraging. I am surrounded by wonderful amazing and supportive family and friends and that is priceless to me. What is meant to be will be and I can't wait to find out what it is.
