Find My Family

Last week I sent an email out to my entire address book asking for donations for the MS Walk Spencer and I are doing in April. I got a really unexpected donation followed by an email from my older sister who I haven't talked to, seen or heard from in 12 years. I recently connected with her 2 daughters, my nieces, on facebook in August and December which is what led to this reuniting of sorts. As you might imagine, this has all been accompanied by several emotions on my part. Curiosity, nervousness, worry, guardedness, excitement, fear, joy and determination for starters. Some of you know I have been working on forgiveness so far this year, not just with my dad, but everyone in my life. I really want this to be a part of that healing process for me. While Brandy never did anything to directly affect me, she has issues with my dad which have caused a rift in that part of our family. Growing up, I always wished she would be more a part of our lives because I so badly wanted a big sister. I think I was angry at her for not being my big sister, though now I'm figuring out it wasn't really her fault all along. I want this to be a positive experience to everyone involved which is the reason for my cautiousness. I also don't want to have to choose sides...I don't want there to end up being sides to choose. The past is the past and its beyond time to move forward, so that's what I'm hoping and praying for.

I recently started watching a reality TV show on ABC called Find My Family. Its about people who were either adopted as children or gave up their child for adoption who are trying to find each other years later. This show resonates with me since I am adopted and I basically cry the entire time putting myself in each position represented on each episode. I have never really had a burning desire to find my biological parents, but with each episode I wonder what it would be like for them to find me. Getting in touch with Brandy has given me just the smallest tasted of what that would be like. Its an indescribable, almost stressful, but in a good way, emotion.

I look forward to see how this all progresses and I am excited about the possibilities, but please pray that it remains positive for everyone!

Happy Superbowl!

The teams I like are rarely, if ever in the Super Bowl, so I usually watch it for the commercials just like I did this year. Lots of my friends and family were cheering for the Saints so I joined in. Spencer was cheering for the Colts who I've never really liked. The game was pretty boring to me and the commercials weren't even that great, but I had a good time cheering "Whooooo dat?!" everytime the Saints scored and it drove Spencer crazy! Ha ha! Go Saints! :)

Brothers

Spencer's brother Stefan was in town for a college frisbee tournament this week. After much harassing and hunting, Spencer tracked him down and they met up at Taco Bell for some quality brother time. I wasn't in attendance since I was at work, but I did get a hello text. I'm so glad they had a little bit of time to spend together! (I tried to get Spencer to blog about it, but I guess he was too exhausted after his really long drive searching for Stefan who had no idea where he was!) :)

30!

If I am keeping score in the game of Heather vs. Age Thirty, the score is Heather-1, Thirty-0 because I flipped 30 the bird today and had a pretty kick ass day. (Do 30 year olds say that kind of stuff???)
Anyway, I really did have a great day. It started off with breakfast at my favorite breakfast spot...pretty much the only place I will eat and enjoy that first meal of the day, The Cracked Egg...YUM!After stuffing myself with a delicious Sin City Skillet and chocolate chip coffee cake, Spencer dropped me off at Eleven Day Spa where I had 3 hours of pampering which included a massage, facial, manicure, and pedicure. It was fantastic!I came home and continued my relaxation on the couch where I ate 2 chocolate chip cookies. Then I showered and got ready for a night out on the town. We ate dinner at Battista's Hole In The Wall Italian Restaurant. We have been meaning to go here since before we moved but have never gotten around to it and I am SO GLAD we did today! I can't wait to go back there...it was amazing! With your entree (we both had the most amazing tasting ravioli), you get a carafe of house wine (WOOHOO!), a soup or salad, garlic bread, and cappuccino after dinner. They also brought me cake for my birthday! I ate WAY too much, to the point of discomfort. I am still stuffed as I type this about 5 hours later but it was worth it! After dinner we went to The Palazzo to see Jersey Boys. Its basically the only show here we had yet to see. I had heard rave reviews and after the first 10 minutes I was like, oh this isn't that great, but by the end I was singing along and enjoying the show a ton. It was excellent! As we were leaving the hotel Spencer noticed that our ticket stubs from the show had a free drink coupon at one of the nightclubs so we went to Lavo for our free drink, cuddled on one of the couches and had a great time people watching and enjoying our beverages. When we got home, Spencer laid his coat on the couch and took the dog out and as he was walking out the door, he asked me to get the ticket stubs out of his jacket pocket...??? I reached in only to pull out a little red box (always a good sign) and inside was a wedding band! Yes, yes, I already have a wedding band, but I'm so paranoid to wear it to work where I do a lot of cleaning and banging my hands around so he got me a "cheap" wedding band that I can wear to work. I have been asking for one for a long time now and he is always paying attention when I least expect it. :) I also got several phone calls, texts, emails, and messages with birthday wishes from all the wonderful people in my life. I couldn't have felt more loved today and best of all I still don't feel a day over 29! ;)

Age Is Just A Number...Age Is Just A Number...Age Is Just A Number...

Today I am REALLY trying to believe this because tomorrow I turn 30. I remember being so excited to exit my teens and enter my twenties. I pretty much feel the opposite about exiting my twenties and entering my thirties. Everyone keeps telling me your 30's are the best years of your life. But nobody tells me WHY! I just feel old. Spencer and I just got back from bumming around and shopping. We had a great time, but it didn't make me feel any younger. When I entered stores I used to love shopping in, I instantly felt too old to be in there and immediately turned around and left. And in the stores I didn't feel too old in, I discovered that 80's styles and neon are making a comeback and I already went down that road 20 years ago! Isn't that how you know you're old...when you seen "new" fashion trends for a second time in your life? I tried to find something hip and trendy to wear out for my birthday but I couldn't do it. I can't wear neon and leggings. I just can't. Oh, its almost 9:00PM...isn't that about the time us old folks go to bed and you young folks are just getting ready to go out and party?
Age is just a number...30 is just a number...30 is the new 20...the best times of your life happen in your 30's.............
We'll see.....

Misty Hazy Fog

I called my brother Jason today to ask him a question about my car since he is pretty much an expert. What I intended to be a 5 minute conversation turned into almost an hour. We ended up talking about dad of course. He said he's been having some conversations with dad lately and in the most recent one, he told my dad to quit his job and do what he wants and make the most of the time he has left. That's good advice for someone who is dying, but we haven't accepted that the worst is happening yet because we are still waiting for the doctor to figure out what is on his colon and surgically remove the tumor on his liver. So why this conversation. Apparently dad told Jason that he has a tumor on his colon. I'm not sure if he just knows or if he too is predicting the worst, but this made my heart sink into my stomach and sent me into a fog. Please don't give up yet Dad. Please keep praying for my dad. His colonoscopy is February 5 and he meets with the doctor February 8 for a "game plan."

January 2010