And So It Begins...

Each day on my lunch break at work, I dread checking my phone. Because for some reason, ALL of my bad news has been delivered to me on my lunch break while at work...when I have nowhere to go to escape, to cry, to freak out, etc. How convenient. Sure enough, even after cracking a joke about my bad track record with bad news on lunch breaks before clocking out, I got more bad news. Lauren called me and Mom texted me. All I have is bad news floating in my head, completely over taking my stress about when to go home again, for how long, etc.

"Dad's potassium levels are too high."

"High potassium levels can lead to kidney failure or heart failure."

"Multi-organ shutdown"

"Liver doesn't work, kidneys fail, heart stops."

Now I HAVE to go home. I need to see my Dad. But I so desperately do not want to go there to watch him die. He is dying and there's nothing anyone can do about it. How much longer can I hope he's going to get better if no one else is?

So I wrote this as an update and as usual, my feelings spill over, but that's why I blog in the first place I guess. I'm on the phone with co-workers trying to get my work shifts covered. I'm on the internet trying to book a flight. I can't stop crying because I'm going to miss Spencer's birthday. I'm inside my head absolutely freaking out because I don't know how to lose him. I could never dream of sleeping. I want to throw up when I see food. I'm worried about the rest of my family and how they are going to handle this. How do people handle this much stress and more?